Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Mitch Hedberg quotes

An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.

If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn't type any slower.

Dogs are forever in the push up postion.

I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.

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